A midwife resigned when I was 28 weeks pregnant, so I hired a doula. I was eventually convinced to go for an induction after being told my baby weighed 9 pounds at 36 weeks. The OB assured me that my waters would be broken, and labor would start, but that didn’t happen. I started with gel, then had my waters broken and IV Pitocin, and things seemed to progress until the midwife arrived late at night. She turned the lights on, seemed frazzled, and brought in a doctor without my consent after I’d refused continuous monitoring. She told me I was only 5 cm and suggested a C-section, but I declined. Eventually, I reached 10 cm and was forced to push, even though I didn’t feel the urge. They pressured me with fears of needing a C-section. After an hour of pushing, they said the baby’s heart rate was dropping and I needed a C-section. They also refused to let me use a scalp electrode after I declined an HIV test, which I felt was a form of punishment. After the C-section, I lost 2 liters of blood, passed out, and didn’t get to hold my baby right away. The baby had an APGAR score of 9.5 and normal cord blood, but the healthcare professionals dismissed it the next day. The midwife who abandoned me at 28 weeks ended up taking on my friend, who was due the same week, and I can’t shake the feeling she dumped me just to fit her in. My doula wasn’t even honest about leaving, and her absence felt like it opened the door for the midwives to turn on me. I’ve already had a vaginal birth before, but it felt like they didn’t believe I was capable of doing it again. The OB the next day just casually said, "Oh well, we support VBACs in the future," like it was no big deal, and it crushed me. Since then, I’ve struggled so much with postpartum emotions. I don’t have the same bond with my second baby as I did with my first, and I can’t help but feel like I was robbed of a better experience.

I truly believe if I had been allowed the scalp electrode, or if I had seen a consultant—or if it wasn’t a Friday—I could’ve had my baby naturally. But instead, I was manipulated by fear and pressure into thinking my baby was in distress when I knew deep down they were fine. Not once did they offer me basic midwifery care, like using a peanut ball, to help my body. They let me stop the IV Pitocin to get the epidural, which I think only stalled my labor and wasted so much precious time on the hospital clock. It felt like no one was truly listening to me, and that the focus was on their convenience, not my well-being or the birth I wanted.

This experience has haunted me, and I feel like I was completely failed by the system that was supposed to support me... For reference I have every single name of the clinicians and I also have my birth notes